Auburn Prepares For Wisconsin

Auburn arrived in Orlando on Monday and had its first gameday practice on Tuesday. Auburn's seniors, who have never lost to UAT, now have a chance to graduate with a perfect bowl record too. The other three bowl victories were Penn St. in the Capital One Bowl, Wisconsin in the Music City Bowl and Virginia Tech in the Sugar Bowl. This is the third time Tuberville has taken the Tigers to the Capital One Bowl.

Tim Tebow Screws Bama

Tim Tebow made it official yesterday when he committed to Florida. “It was the right thing for me to do”, said Tebow at his press conference. “They run the style of offense that I am used to, it’s close to home, and my whole family went to Florida. I enjoyed my visits to USC and Tuscaloosa. I knew going in that Bama would promote me like no other school, and help me get where I wanted. I just hate that they actually thought I was coming there. They should of atleast had a backup plan in terms of a quarterback. Coach Shula did a great job recruiting me, but the begging yesterday morning was a touch over the top.”

The Neck Nation, who have been used numerous times by blue chip recruits in the past, was silent yesterday. It is expected that they will come out in the next day or two with something absurd like: “We didn’t want him anyway”. JPW is now clearly the man at UAT, and is expected to win 2, maybe 3 national championships while there.

Bammer Nation Saddened By Breaking News

"I ain't gonna believe it", said Donny Bearden of Walker County today on news that the Bear is actually dead. Many people had reported that he was, in fact, dead, and Fox News finally broke the story earlier this morning on Fox & Friends. Reporter E.D. Hill remarked, "We learned that the Bear had actually been dead for years. In fact, it appears that he's turned over in his grave several times." School was cancelled today in Jasper, Gardendale, Capitol Heights, Bessemer and Hueytown on news of the death. "Ain't no wonder we ain't been winning no national championships", said Waffle House employee, "Jo". "We still the power of the South though. Just ask Auburn, we beat their ass for 3 quarters this year." No funeral services are expected since the Bear has, in fact, been dead for several years.

Auburn Announces Sleep Number Bed Product

Select Comfort, the creator of the Sleep Number Bed announced on Tuesday that it plans to market a product through Auburn University featuring Pat Dye Field and the Sleep Number Bed. The bed will be made completely of turf extracted from Pat Dye Field and "sleeps like a dream", according to Brodie Croyle. "My sleep number is 11. It feels great. I've spent a lot of time laying on it and I have no complaints." Look for the product to hit stores just in time for the Christmas rush.

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius

Reeeeeeeel men of geeeeniooooouuussssss!

Today we salute YOU, Mr. Internet Bama Fan!

Mr. Internet Bama Faaaaan!

Only you realize the full weight of the NCAA's conspiracy against you.
When other teams meekly accept that they pay players, you blame Tennessee.
Even though you are dominated by your cross state rival you maintain,
in the face of all facts, that you are the premier program.
When your quarterback admits the truth you vilify him in public.

From crimson hero to crimson zeeerooo!

While other fans concern themselves with jobs and success in life,
you vent your frustrations into the nether world of cyberspace.

Venting into cyberspaaace!

Your unfailing eye for details picks up things that no one else sees, including the officials,
and the replay guy, and the people in the stands, and the four million watching at home.
Only YOU realize that Kenny Irons fumbled before he crossed the goalline.
Only your all seeing eye presents the foregone conclusion
that the coin toss was the moment that decided the game.

Coin toss wins it aaall!

Other teams assume that quality of play determines who wins the game.
Only you realize that moral victories and whether or not the opposing team's coach
celebrates with his fans is more important than the actual score.

I won in spite of the scooore!

So here's to you oh arbiter of college football.
Keep typing away in the sure knowledge of your irrelevance.
And know this, win or lose, in your mind you always win.

Knowledge of irrelevaaance!

Mr. Internet Bama Fan.

Auburn Celebration May Have Been Premature

Auburn fans rolled Toomers Corner yesterday afternoon after reading in the Birmingham paper that Coach Mike Shula had received a raise and 5 year contract extension. However, the celebration may have been premature. Today UAT is reporting that contract talks have not taken place between Mike Shula and the school. Dr. Robert Witt, who is best known for his love of male band members, stated that Mike deserved a raise. UAT plans to finish the season in the Cotton Bowl. UAT has only been to two bowl games since 1997.

Answer to Yesterday's Trivia Question

Answer: Taylor O'Doyle Britt
Congratulations to Scudder for correctly answering the trivia question.