Top 10 Most Memorable Moments of 2006 AU Football Season

This football season, like most, has brought with it many memorable moments. Some moments are memorable because they are embarrassing, others because they are bizarre, and others because they bring honor, joy or satisfaction. I'm sure I've forgotten many memorable moments, but here are the top 10 that come to mind:


10. The last remaining horsemen finally gets a girlfriend Many of us believed he was gay, some believed he was a-sexual, but when the first game rolled around and he (I'm protecting his name if you can't tell) had a blonde on his arm, we were all proud. The impressive thing is she was still around at the end of the season. Great job ___.

9. Glen catches us eating Dreamland For those of you who aren't familiar with Auburn, Byron's is by far the best BBQ place in town. The owner, Glen, works most days and knows most of the everyday patrons. Little Red and I happen to be a couple of those regular patrons. On Saturday, past, Red and I were devouring Dreamland BBQ when along comes Glen. It was a very awkward moment as he spoke to us, and we tried to speak back with mouths full of BBQ. I'm not sure what his reaction will be when we go back to Byron's. I've been too embarrassed to go so far.

8. Florida Game So many moments come to mind when I think of the Florida game. Two post game moments really stick out in my mind, and they are how drunk B.C. got during the game, and the whole "death roll" conversation we had with K.T. Too long to discuss here.

7. Bobby Wilburn Need I say more? Only a few have been lucky enough to be invited to Wilburn's place on the Warrior River. I really can't disclose much more. Memorable.

6. Ole Miss Game There's really only 1 thing that makes the Ole Miss game memorable, and it was the 10 hour round trip drive I made by myself to keep my streak alive. This was the first time in 9 years that I couldn't find a partner to go to the game with me. I decided to take the trip on my own as a soul searching mission. What I found was very disturbing, and I hope I am never left alone with myself for that long again.

5. 100 Game Presentation Before my 100 consecutive game (Buffalo) I was presented with a certificate from Jay Jacobs, handwritten letter from Housel, and a cake. Very thoughtful of the tailgate crew.

4. Dentist Fight Auburn fans hate no other fans more than other Auburn fans as evidenced by the pregame festivities of the Buffalo game. A Dentist from north Alabama broke all rules and pulled his R.V. into our roped off tailgate spot. A melee almost followed, a couple of "sh$t-heads" were thrown back and forth, and both parties reluctantly agreed to coexist for one meaningless game.

3. Jacked up by Alonzo Horton Generally, I try to fire up the passerbys at Tiger Walk. I usually attack an unsuspecting male cheerleader or a 12 year old baseball team; however, this year I was the one being attacked. After a few innocent remarks Alonzo Horton decided to get fired up and bum rushed me. I had no time to plant my feet (not that it would have helped any) and he knocked me about 10 yards out of Tiger Walk. Needless to say, I think we made a connection.

2. LSU Tiger Walk "Remember that time on the way to Tiger Walk..." I do. Because we rode in a golf cart with 5 equestrian team members in our laps. Memorable. Memorable.

1. Dixieland Delight The most memorable thing I can think of this year is memorable because it was completely BIZARRE-O. To open the 4th quarter of the Irons Bowl, Bryant-Denny piped in Dixieland Delight. Weird because it doesn't seem like a football type song. Very odd choice of music. Weirder still because when the piped in music was forced to stop for football play the student section finished the song. "Whitetail buck deer munching on clover, redtailed hawk sitting on a limb, chubby old groundhog, croaking bullfrog....." you get the idea.

UAT Faces Tough Duke Team

After losing 4 out of its last 5 SEC games, UAT is breathing a sigh of relief with Duke coming to town. Duke is by far the worst team in the country, ranked dead last in offensive production. They have been shut out 3 of the 4 times they've played this season, and are averaging 3.2 points a game. Like Bammer, the Blue Devils are not very good at rushing the ball. They average 1 yard per carry, and the team's top tailback has 69 yards rushing on the season. UAT is far from an elite team in the SEC, but OTWS is predicting that our bottom dwellers are better than the ACC's bottom dwellers. Prediction: Duke 28 UAT 31

A Dream Come True!

I know what you're thinking, "What the HELL is going on here?!? What kind of redneck cheeseball gets married at Bryant-Denny (aka JH-West). Click here to read more.

Poorly Coached Team Gives Game Away

In case you didn't notice, a meaningless, but necessary, matchup took place in Fayetteville on Saturday. It was the Arkansas Razorbacks vs. the Alabama-Tuscaloosa Crimson Tide. A game that would help decide how 4, 5 and 6 would shake out in the SEC West. Arkansas took a giant step towards not being a bottom dweller.

UAT put together a 14 play drive that took over 9 minutes off the clock in the fourth quarter then put the game on kicker Leighann Tiffin's shoulders. He missed it. He would miss four attempts in all. The most painful of which came in overtime as Tiffin missed an extra point which cost Bammer the game.

So who do you blame? Most people will look at Tiffin, but what about the always cocky Darby who once again failed to do much on the ground. What about Wilson? He had several costly mistakes. Including a pass while beyond the line of scrimmage and a second forward pass after receiving a deflected ball. Then there's Shula. She is, after all, the coach and leader of this gutless, untrained bunch. As the cameras panned the Bammer sideline it was apparent why this team has continued to struggle year after year. Recruiting! I saw soft, uncoached kids on that sideline. Something has to give if UAT wants to compete with the mid-level teams in the SEC West.

How the West was Won

The Auburn Tigers won the West this weekend by defeating LSU 7-3 in the annual SEC Western Division Championship Game. LSU will take 2nd place while the Mississippi's, Arkansas' and UAT's of the world will fight for the bottom spots. Auburn kicker John Vaughn made history by kicking the football into the upright for the second consecutive time against LSU. The last time coming in overtime in Baton Rouge last year. Such a feat has never been achieved before and demonstrates exactly how superhuman John Vaughn is.

Auburn now awaits the winner of the Eastern Division.

Vandy is a Little Bit Worse than UAT

Who needs moral victories when you can dominate your opponent 13 - 10 in front of your home crowd. For the second week in a row Bammer fans held their breath in the final seconds of the game as their beloved team held off yet another powerhouse. Juwan Simpson picked off a pass as time expired to extend UAT's SEC win streak to 1. It seems like only yesterday that Juwan was caught fondling the Bear's granddaughter while toting stolen property, drugs and firearms. On the other side of the ball Ken Darby rushed 21 times for 65 yards, and is getting close to breaking a 100 yards on the season. Louisiana-Monroe is up next, certainly Bammer can have a good showing against them.

AU Makes State Proud, UAT Survives Powerhouse Hawaii

In its season opener, the Auburn Tigers lived up to its lofty ranking by smashing the Washington State Cougars. After the first series it looked like the Tigers were playing a weaker opponent such as UAT. Auburn registered 2 sacks on the first 3 plays and forced WSU to punt. Kenny Irons exploded for 42 yards on the first offensive play for Auburn. He also ran for 58 yards on the first play of the second half. Irons ran for 183 yards on 20 carries and had another 40 in receiving. Will Herring was Auburn's second leading rusher with 42 yards on one carry. His career rushing average now stands at 42 yards per carry.

Across the state, in drug infested Tuscaloosa, UAT had to give it all they had to hold off the Rainbow Warriors. Bammer showed that they had very little toughness and no guts when it came to defense and running the ball. UAT gave up over 350 yards passing during the game. On the other side of the ball the always cocky, Kenneth Darby only gained 25 yards on 16 carries behind blocking from Andre Smith. UAT looks to improve its stats next week against Vandy.

Video Pays Tribute to Ronnie Brown

Click here to watch

UAT Lineman Speaks to OTWS

UAT's Kyle Tatum is no stranger to college football, as you can tell by his physique. The 30+ game starter is ready to cap off a great career at Alabama-Tuscaloosa. Tatum, who was partially responsible for the worst offensive line in the history of college football last year is not willing to let that happen again.
"I've been working out a lot this summer.", said Tatum. "Rocky has been great. He's put me on a bench routine that's really improved the size of my chest. I feel better than ever." When asked about his gold chain, Tatum replied, "It's a Prattville thing, you wouldn't understand".

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Contestant in annual AIDS Awareness Bike Ride



Interracial Gay Couple Enjoys Crabbing in Florida


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Tray Blackmon: Fear the Thumb!

True freshman, Tray Blackmon is making a name for himself on campus. After an impressive scrimmage on Saturday, he had this to say, "Fear the thumb Baby, fear the thumb!" Blackmon had 7 tackles on Saturday, 2 of them for losses. He also put big time hits on Kenny Irons and Prechae Rodriguez which both drew a large response from the crowd.

Meanwhile in Tuscaloosa, UAT continues to concentrate on basketball where they have proven themselves to be average.

Public Service Announcement

Escambia County Sheriffs's Department Asks For Your Help in Locating Another Former UAT Felon. Another former University of Alabama football player is in trouble with the law. Following in the lines of Sherwin Williams, Bobby Humphrey, David Palmer, Ray Hudson, Kenny Stabler, John Parker Wilson, Marcus Carter, Santonio Beard, Taylor Britt, Chris Keys, Brian Burgdorf, and on and on and on, former UAT player Terence Braxton is accused of accepting money for good grades while he was teaching at Ernest Ward Middle School in Escambia County, Florida. Braxton, who claims to have learned of his scheme while playing at UAT, allowed students who didn't want to dress out for PE class to pay him a dollar. Authorities estimate he earned about $230,000. He was reportedly fired in January by the school for laziness and stupidity, traits shared by many UAT alumus. A warrant has been issued for Braxton's arrest. Authorities say he faces six counts of felony bribery charges. "He is a predator who took advantage of fat, out of shape kids, took their lunch money and used it, we suspect, to buy homosexual material which he shared with many of his former teammates." Unconfirmed reports show the list of former teammates possibly includes current Head Coach Mike Shula. If you know where he is, call the Escambia County, Florida sheriff's department.

Auburn Once Again Brings Pride to the State

The Auburn Men's Swimming Team won its 10th straight SEC title. This also marks the 12th time in 13 years that the Tigers have won the title. This year's title came after Auburn won their most convincing meet yet, beating Florida by 161.5 points. Auburn Swim Coach David Marsh is now being compared to Joe Paterno or Bobby Bowden as Auburn's Swim Team makes its name as one of the most dominant programs in the history of all sports. In other Auburn news, Auburn freshman, Mike Bianucci was named the Southeastern Conference's player of the week after batting 4 of 5 on Friday with a double, 2 home runs and 6 RBIs. Auburn swept Hofstra thanks to Bianucci's bat.

Across the state, the UAT women's basketball team lost to Tennessee by a score of 82-65. This marks Tennessee's 30th consecutive victory over UAT. In case you thought you read that wrong, let me repeat, "This marks Tennessee's 30th consecutive victory over UAT". The number of loses is not the only problem noted in Tuscaloosa, it's also the lack of support. The basketball team's loss came in front of a crowd of only 5,380 people, most of which were Tennessee fans.

Two UAT Football Legends Star in Controversial Movie

Immediately after ending his career covered in Pat Dye field, Brodie Croyle joined his football coach in an acting endeavor. "We thought we'd try our luck at acting since this whole football thing hasn't really panned out for us so far.", said Croyle. When asked what the biggest challenge of acting in this movie was, Shula said: "It have to be asking Brodie's daddy. I knew we were going to be riding alot of horses together and frolicking in fields and such. I was really scared that Brodie's daddy would be jealous, but he was ok with the whole thing."

Brodieback Mountain is being rolled out slowly, especially in the South where faggots aren't really liked.

BREAKING NEWS

Auburn Defensive Coordinator, David Gibbs, is rumored to have taken a job with the Kansas City Chiefs. Gibbs was offered a job last week with the San Francisco 49ers, but declined the offer. During 2005, the Tigers ranked among the best in the country in scoring defense, but only managed to sack Brodie Croyle 11 times

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